My emotional baggage won't fit in the overhead compartment.

Confession:

Right now, I should be making my bed, preparing to load up and get groceries, washing everyone else's bedsheets, vacuuming, spot treating pet stains from the carpet, cleaning out our van, and laying the kids down for a nap.

But I have "checked out" momentarily. One child has no shirt on, the other is about to fall asleep on the couch, I turned on the tv to hopefully entertain them, and the rest are taking turns crawling back and forth through an old cardboard box that's sitting in the middle of my floor.

I have no energy or desire to get up and do what I should. So I'm not. I'm sitting here doing absolutely NOTHING. (well except writing this). I'm taking a break that I really don't have time for. Here's why I think I'm being a bum....

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Yesterday started out normal, but about 10am, I started to get a pretty bad migraine. I took advil and rested for a bit, but it got bad fast. So I ended up having to take my migraine meds. Boo. Thankfully it was nap time and I was able to lay down with the youngest three.

A storm rolled in, and my husband called and said he would be late. Bummer. We were supposed to do two things, pick up the dogs from the groomers, and pick up our rental car for the week (my husband's car broke down and we have family flying in for the weekend). Because both places were closing, he decided to come home and return to his office later that night to finish his work. We got to the rental place and the manager there wanted to charge me $50 more than my confirmation code price. He didn't tell me this up front, and tried to swipe my credit card. We only have one credit card and I only use it for emergencies or things like rentals so we aren't charged a "holding fee". I had only opened up the card, for the amount we were promised. So of course, it denied the charge. After he confessed it was for a larger amount, I said "Well of course it denied it! I only approved it for $____ before I came here!" When I pulled out my paperwork and insisted he honor the price agreement, he argued with me that HE wasn't asking for the extra $50, it was my card company. So I called our bank and they confirmed it was not something with the bank or the card, and so I asked them to open it up for a larger amount but that I was still trying to argue my price with the manager. I asked the car manager to run the card for the amount on my paperwork, he refused. He implied that I mismanaged my money if I didn't have an extra $50 to apply towards the balance. I calmly said it's not that I don't have the money... it's that I don't have the money to give him! Especially if he can't tell me what he's charging me extra for. He got another male employee to play his game of "what's the big deal, it's just $50 bucks... you said you're a stay at home mom, maybe you should get a job or something." I knew we had 5, very hungry kids in the car that my hubs was trying to keep calm. After the insult, I said I no longer wanted to have this conversation with them, and I would be sending in my husband so they had better figure out if they wanted a sale or not. If not, we didn't want a car after all. I walked off, holding back tears as they were calling "Miss! Miss!..."

To shorten the story, Chip went in and got the car for the price we were promised and although it took us over an hour (and we got a car with a dent on it that wasn't documented prior-so we had to take it back to make sure they had that written down).

We were finally off to grab the kids some fast food, and get the dogs picked up. At the first red light I sat at, I was thinking of how to manage the kids and try to get a jump start on getting groceries. I was thinking that I was feeling very "raw" from just being in tears over the rental car issue, and I just wanted to go home, get my jammies on and go to bed. I was staring off into the intersection when a flash of white came at me and a white chevy truck (who had the green), crossed the intersection at exactly the same time, and the two collided right in front of me. The sound was horrible. My kids screamed... I screamed... the light turned green. My dad is an EMT-I and my husband has several qualification in combat medical stuff... so I sort of knew what to do if an emergency happened. I pulled through the intersection, pulled off into the grass, put my hazards on, gave the kids a peptalk, and ran to the car that looked like it had the worst damage. The man was elderly, frazzled and visibly shaken. He wanted to get out and it took a LOT of coaxing to get him to stay put. I searched his car for his cell phone and looked up his wife's number. She didn't answer. A cop came out of no where and was behind me assisting and said that the man had a particular sticker on his back window that indicated he was or knew someone in the force. Together we realized his son was a sheriff. So he was paged. Right then, my husband pulled up right behind me and we switched cars so he could get the kids something to eat and left me with the rental car.

After the cops took inventory of the situation, I was asked to write a report. No biggie. But as I started to write, I realized my hands were shaking and I all of a sudden felt like I was going to throw up. Too much adrenaline. I was already feeling frazzled before the wreck, and then I felt like I had just been pushed a little too far.

I, of course, did not throw up. Ironically, my husband saw that I grabbed my purse for the cops to see my licence, but my panic attack meds fell out on the seat. He knew I hadn't eaten, and that I was already emotional. He fed the kids and then brought me a sandwich, and my medicine. Shortly after, I was told I could leave. We drove a block and then pulled off into a school parking lot and digested everything. I no longer wanted to get the dogs, or the groceries or anything. I didn't even want to drive home.. I just wanted to close my eyes and be there.

I got home fine, and my husband picked up the dogs. Then he had to go back into the office. I laid in bed with the oldest three and we all fell asleep before he returned. About 30 minutes after he got home I heard the dog start to throw up. Well, there went my night. We spent the next hour or more cleaning up after a VERY sick dog. The groomer was being sweet and fed them, (since we were stuck at the wreck scene). But in our rush, we forgot to tell her that he's very sensitive to every dog food but one.

The next morning, we had to get up at 6am to get ready for our FD's court case. That alone was extremely nerve wracking. While hanging on the judge's every word and holding FD in my arms, I was afraid he would say "turn her over to her parents immediately" and I just wasn't ready. In all reality the chance was slim to none because this wasn't what the proceeding was about.. but I was just afraid. Although the outcome is still "wait and see", at least I know a little more about what's going on with the bio-parents. Tomorrow morning we have a parent planning meeting with everyone involved in the case. Hubs and I are going to have to sit and face everyone two days in a row! I felt sick all the way home from court. Just nerves. 

As I write this, I'm going on 2-3 hours of sleep. I have stains all over the carpet upstairs that I have to get out our steam cleaner for and honestly.. I just don't want to. I want to do NOTHING until my husband comes home. But he will be late again tonight. I came home from court, slipped my jammies back on, fed the kids and now it's nap time. It would be the perfect time to get all my stuff done, but I really think I'm going to nap with everyone. And yes, that makes me feel guilty. It just pushes all my responsibilities off for later and that's not smart. 


I'm great at getting a crazy amount of stuff done at the last minute. I'm just worried my energy won't come back. It may be another late night. I'm dreading the planning meeting tomorrow... only because I'm tired of seeing bio-mom get angry. But I'm not scared like I used to be. Just scared of the system making the wrong decision. 

HOWEVER.. tomorrow my family flies in. Once they get here, that's the mark for things to slow down and be enjoyable. But man.. this week is ROUGH!