Many of you know that the verdict of this week's court date was not in the favor of reunification. The judge ordered visitations to stop immediately and adoption to proceed. As crazy as this sounds, my heart was broken for the bio-mom. The court room reaction set her off, and she ran outside. As I passed, she screamed threats of killing me.
We were escorted out to our car. Everything in me wanted to get out of my car, and give her a hug. To stop the sobbing, to explain why this was happening.... to remind her that this is a consequence of her choices, and not because anyone was being vindictive. But no, I had to drive away.
My brain says: she is unstable and unable to comprehend the magnitude of the situation. She is unable to see past her own wants and she thinks that life "owes her" these kids simply because she gave birth to them.
My heart says: Don't stop trying to help her comprehend this. Don't stop trying to fix this.
I am conflicted and heartbroken because my brain and my heart are saying completely opposite things! Life has given me a fork in the road, and I have chosen the babies over the parents. I used to be able to mentor the mother, and take care of her babies. Now it's one or the other and my mind cannot digest this just yet.
I was able to talk on the phone with bio-mom last night. She still stands by the fact that the system screwed her over and she will not stop fighting for her kids. I can't blame her for fighting for them. But I can't believe she doesn't see how this happened. She honestly doesn't think it would be traumatic for the kids to move from my home to hers, even after all this time. She told the court that she doesn't feel her home is a safe environment for the kids--yet she wants them back? I am so confused at her perspective. I can empathize with her-but then the outcome for me doesn't match what she is choosing. It doesn't add up.
This is where she and I will come to a head. She refuses to compromise with me so that we can keep in touch as the adoption proceeds. I am now her enemy (in her mind) and because it's "all or nothing"... she will get nothing. And I am so sorry for her. Not in a sarcastic way... in a heart sick way.
Please continue to pray for her. I want her to find peace and understanding in a way that only comes from her Maker.
No comments:
Post a Comment