How did we...?

We moved! Those that know me, know how out of my comfort zone this transition was. I am here to celebrate my success! We are here, we are unpacked, and things are back to "normal". 

Many of you have seen my very vague facebook posts. Usually they are upbeat, funny and positive. Rarely am I an "open book" on that forum. So I apologize if my fellow mother-friends had the impression that I was more than perfect with this transition or that I had accomplished more than humanly possible. Not true!! 

Truth be told, two weeks before packers arrived, I had an epic meltdown. We're talking, crumbling in the middle of the kitchen floor while the kids played outside with daddy. Looking back, I don't think I allowed myself to celebrate my husband's homecoming (which consisted of total relief), seeing my kids struggle with moving (sad), and other uncomfortable things associated with the transition. So all of those emotions crept up on me. One minute I'm filling a water bottle, and the next moment I am sobbing on the floor.

Thankfully, my pride quit becoming an issue between myself and my husband after this. I never ask for help, he knows that. But when my body and mind wouldn't allow me to walk another step, he was there. I don't know if he heard me or saw me... but he made sure I found a hot shower, soft pajamas, and a bed to fall into for the night. It was time. I'm owning it. I needed to have a "moment". Even as embarrassing as it was.. it needed to happen.

Lesson 1: We know enough about our married life to know we can't do it all by ourselves. So even before C returned home from deployment, we enlisted the help of a good friend who is a Life Coach. She has such a passion for this this type of work. If you've never experienced a LifeCoach, we highly recommend her. She was our "goal keeper". We made sure we lined out specific goals that we wanted to accomplish by the end of our transition and she helped us keep sight of our goal. It's like going into a grocery store WITH a list... and coming out with only the things you wanted to buy. Verses, going in without one and becoming confused and sidetracked.

Once it dawned on me, that the worst had happened (the epic meltdown that I was trying to avoid), I had nothing left to fear. Although there were parts of the move that simply made me want to vomit, I made it. See picture below: 

{Seriously...I still have ill thoughts about this particular packer! Why!?}

SO! Some of you moms have been asking me how we did it!

Well, I would be happy to share a few tips I learned along the way. But please keep in mind that we all parent differently and we are all presented with different situations. Use YOUR motherly intuition and trust it! God gave you these children, He trusts you! Use your instinct and discernment and do what's right for your family!

1. Play up each of your children's strengths. My oldest is a worrier. He takes after me. However, he is the most responsible. He can assign snacks, check buckles and read directions. He feels important when I use him in ways he can succeed. So, I don't hesitate to hand him a map and have him help me while we drive. When he is given a responsibility, he tends to forget to worry!
(Mr and I had to drive separately; I kept 4 kids and all the pets with me and he took 2 kids). Miss M is now 7 years old, and we have discovered that she is the baby whisperer. She could convince a little kid to give up all of their Halloween candy if she wanted to. Thankfully she uses her powers for good and not evil. When my youngest only wants to be held and I don't have the ability to do it, she is a great fill-in. She also loves tucking the babies to bed, or helping with other "little mama" type things. It has been such a relief to me! Mr. T (who is 4) LOVES to clean. I don't know how this happened, but I'll take it. Even if his job isn't "well done".. heck, at least it's a start. We were able to leave our temporary lodging in an hour flat and that included breakfast, on a daily basis (to look for housing) because I used every single one of my kids' strengths. Raise the bar, moms... you'd be surprised to see they more often than not, can meet it!

2. Comfort their weaknesses. Bring them confidence. Praise open communication when they are struggling. Obviously more than one of our children had a rough time leaving our old home. So those were specific situations to our circumstances. But, our 4 year old is struggling with a fear of us dying. He has experienced a loved one passing a few times in his short life and even though we have given him the comfort of knowing that we will meet again in heaven, he is dreading our departure.
It comes in waves, and seems to be worse when he is unsure of what's going on in life. But we are open to listening to his heart and even if we can only answer "I don't know, bud." at least he can see that we are okay with the unknown. Sometimes just letting them see that you are just as clueless as they are, helps. Strange, but true! Maybe the saying "Misery loves company" applies here? Plus, he is a lover of cuddles, when all else fails, we cuddle. Find your child's love language and apply it here!

3. Make sure everyone knows what's going on. Hold family "meetings" and even include the littlest ones! They may not understand, but they will look to their siblings reactions. If big brother is okay, then they are okay. Plus, it makes them feel important to be included. It teaches them early, that when mom and dad call a "meeting", it's time to listen up! For the little ones, include a picture "map" of what your trip will consist of. When P was little, and we would make family trips, we posted a picture map that included the faces of each family member we were going to see, in order. It was perfect. Taped it to the back of the driver's seat and he could see it whenever he was unsure!

4. Think of your family as a "team".  Remind each child to do their part. Play on their strengths and ask them to step in where you know another child is weak in a particular area. Our "team" leaving our old house and stepping into the unknown!

5. Set an example.  I didn't say "set a PERFECT example"... set a realistic example. When I am stressed, tired or upset, my kids can tell just by being in the same room with me. You can't hide your emotions from your kids, no matter how little they are! So own your feelings, and let your struggle or victory be a lesson for them on how to handle life gracefully. And if you fall apart (like me).. own that too. It's life... they'll have epic meltdowns someday, I'm sure, and they'll think back to the time their mother sobbed and remember that "this too shall pass."

5. Give them something to look forward to! A goal! For us, it was playing in the snow. Thankfully we were blessed with a lake-effect blizzard the week we unpacked the last box. They were in heaven!

6. Most important: let them know that your family doesn't change just because your circumstances do. You may have to remind them every few days, or every minute. Just do it.