All the veteran Army wives I’ve ever trusted told me... "No matter what, do NOT watch the news". At first, I rejected their advice. But after 2 nights in a row, where they reported casualties overseas, and I hadn't heard from my mister, I was a mess. No more. Even on the Internet, so many things are exaggerated.
Even with my careful and limited news consumption, there are two current events that I cannot stop from hearing about: Ferguson and Baltimore.
I've been working for months on a post about how to teach our children tolerance and compassion in today's society. Not only do we have a bigger job than our parents, we have the opportunity to shape the future in a time of tribulation and grief. The cases above are the foremost infamous, but there are many other social issues our kids may be presented with.
Alternative Lifestyles
Our children are learning at younger ages about gays/lesbians, cross-dressers, and many other “alternative lifestyles”. The whole acronym has grown just during the time I've been brainstorming about this post. It is no longer LGBT... it is now LGBTQIA. You simply cannot avoid talking about these topics with your children.
These topics are in your face everyday, even if you don't watch the news. It's part of life, and if we don't teach them, someone else will. I don't know about you, but I want first dibs.
Designer Drugs
In school, the DARE program isn't enough. Kids are being handed "candy" that is secretly cocaine. They are given things called "spice" and bath salts. I'm pretty sure my kids think spice is something we cook with, and "bath salts" are the things (Epsom Salts) I pour in my bath soaks when I'm stressed. They would never guess it should be avoided, let alone deadly. Heck, hand any kid candy in the form of pop rocks and I guarantee they will eat it on the spot. The phrase "Never eat candy from a stranger" doesn't work either. Most often, their peers will innocently expose our kids to these things.
Predators are no longer the "creepy guy in the van”, it's someone dressed nicely arriving to pick up our children from the school bus because "your mom asked me to come and get you today.
As a parent, it is more than overwhelming, it's paralyzing. So how do we even begin? How can we send our children out into the world with the correct armor? If we don't prepare them for life outside of us, how do they stand a chance?
Demonstrated and Taught
When C is deployed, I watch a lot more recorded shows. I find out what my girlfriends are watching and then we have something to talk about. It’s one of the few gems in the “turd” of deployment I have to look forward to each night of the week after I get the little ones all quiet in bed.
One of the shows I watch often is "Little People". Late one night, he came to my room and I paused the TV. When he crawled up beside me, whatever he came in for vanished as soon as he saw the TV.
T: "What!? *long pause* Are these Hobbits?! Like in Lord of the Rings?"
Me: "um…no" (trying not to giggle)
T: "Are they big people or kids?"
Me: "They are adults."
T: "How come I've never seen them before? Are they the only ones like this? Do they live underground?"
Me: "T! No! Seriously!? We haven't talked about little people before?"
T: "Mom... I wouldn't forget this."
He was instantly in love…and wanted to Google everything about them.
Shortly after we moved to upstate NY, we were at Aldi's and a little person was behind us in the checkout. I thought T was going to pass out. He was majorly nervous because he wanted to go hug this man but he realized how REAL he was and that he was, in fact, a stranger. He kept staring and so I went over and said "I'm really sorry he is staring... he has always wanted to meet a little person." The man smiled and said "It's okay! I get stared at a lot... no biggie." and then without leaving his spot in the line, he said "Hey buddy!" and waved happily. I thought Truitt was going to keel over.
Kids WATCH you, far more than they LISTEN to you. How you react to people that are different speaks volumes. Not just to people that are different, though. They will watch how you react when you don't get your way with something, or when you get treated poorly. They watch what you do when you come upon someone who needs help. How do you address someone whose gender is unclear? Do you treat them differently than others?
In these cases, I am not only teaching tolerance, I am teaching compassion. To love someone, doesn't mean you have to agree with him or her. Rick Warren said it best, "You don't have to compromise your convictions to be compassionate."
Our job is not to judge. Our job is not to figure out if someone deserves something. Our job is to lift the fallen, to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting.
There is a person in our local drive-thru food chain. I am unsure what gender they would like to be, but there is definitely some confusion about this person's appearance. Mr. T consistently and purposefully calls this person, "Lady". I thought, at first, he was being rude. I pulled him aside after our last encounter and said, "Why do you do that? You don't do that with other people?" He said, "She is a girl, and she must not feel very lady like because she never smiles, so I want her to know that I know she is a lady." My heart exploded. His intensions were so sweet and innocent. He didn't receive a stern warning. I just said, "I don't think she wants to be called a Lady, babe. Just smile at her and maybe that will be enough to put a smile on her face."
Defend Your Convictions
So often I see kids and even adults, take something innocent and turn it into an offense. And then all of a sudden, you owe them something. Sometimes they think you owe them more than just an apology. This trend of "entitlement" I'm seeing among the current generation is very troubling to me. I see it between mothers and how they parent (or how many kids they have), it's between working and stay-at-home parents, I see it in political stances during elections, and most recently between races.
Let me make something clear, just because you are offended, doesn't mean you are right.
Just because you have compassion for someone, doesn't mean you have to agree with him or her. The great thing about our nation is that you have a right to hold an opinion that is different from someone else's opinion...and guess what.... you can still LIKE EACH OTHER! What!? Did I just say that? YES! My kids disagree all the time! About almost anything they can find to disagree about. But guess what?? They still love and even LIKE each other! If it gets out of hand, we make them slow down, and use their words to explain what they are thinking. The other child needs to listen. No…not listen for a pause so they can say what they want to say…but really LISTEN and try to hear and imagine what the other child must be thinking. In response, the next child can say his/her point of view and then they talk about what made them mad. Was it tone of voice? The feeling like they weren't being heard? Whatever the cause, we slow down and try to experience empathy for that other sibling.
If they don't agree, so be it! But they are not allowed to be violent, scream, throw things, stomp away, or use hurtful words. There can't be an "us and them" mentality. That gets us absolutely nowhere. Explain your anger, and don't express it. If you explain your anger, you will immediately open the door to solutions, instead of arguments.
I want to teach our children to be the light in this dark world. I want them to be the candle. Both when chaos arises, and when they see someone in need of a smile. You never need a reason to help people. I want my kids to learn to be strong, not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant.
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” –Winston Churchill
No comments:
Post a Comment