I'm talking about bragging.
Why do we do it? I've been thinking about this all week.
Some women do it because of low self-esteem. Some do it to obviously, to show off. Some do it because they think it's what is "normal" and they are just trying to fit in. Let me be more specific.
I've seen posts that are along the lines of this (btw: I made this up, it's def. not aimed at anyone!)
"Today I ran 5 miles, baked 3 loaves of bread, made supper for three neighbors in need, made homemade play-dough, cleaned 7 toilets with a toothbrush, grabbed groceries and did 10 loads of laundry. And it's not even noon yet!!"
I read that, and I just want to throw my laptop across the room in disgust. No, actually I want to show up at their house with all of my laundry and all of my kids and say, "Have fun! Be back in an hour! Oh, and if you have time leftover, I'd love supper prepped too." And go get my nails done or something. Bleh..
HOWEVER... in the same breathe... I am totally guilty of doing the same thing! Why is that?! Yesterday, it was all I could do, not to post that I made homemade baby food all morning. I did broccoli, carrots, peas, and a fruit melody. I baked a birthday cake in secret and I cleaned the kitchen! Go me! Out of all of my kids, I have NEVER made homemade baby food. Now I figured out a way to do it fast and very un-messy-like. So, I wanted to brag on myself! But I was torn with guilt for all the times I judged others who did that. It was definitely not a normal day for me. If I were that productive, all by myself, every single hour of EVERY day... heck, I could take on 19 kids, while cuffed and blindfolded.
So now I sort of have a different view of women who do this on FB. Well, I have a couple different views.
First: There are women who post like this every day. And I have to say... "are you for real?" The answer is probably no. Like seriously, nothing bad ever happens to these women, they have all this time for themselves, and I could probably drop by their house unexpectedly and it would be spotless. What they do behind closed FB doors has got to be a nothing short of fighting off insanity. We will never know. But these moms... I cannot relate to. I know they exist, but it's hard to lean on them when you need something. They seem "too perfect". Alien-like, if you will. I feel like I would be majorly judged if I called and said, "Hey can you help me with _____?"
Wait, is there a secret mom club that teaches you how to have your act together 100% of the time, and no one has told me? When do you meet and how much is tuition... I'd love to attend.
Second: There are moms who have posts like this occasionally. These women are bragging. But not because they are attention-hogs. More than likely, they are really proud of themselves! They should be! Especially if they are stay at home moms! They are the ONLY adult in the house. Think about that for a minute.... I'll pause
*Pause*
Only adult. As in, no other person close to their age, in the house. No one to have an adult conversation with. They use words like, potty, tummy, boo-boo, wittle (little), ni-night, sweepy (sleepy). They say things like; Did you wipe when you pooped? Have you pooped today? Yesterday? What was the poop like? Soft? Hard? Oh you might be a little dehydrated. Do you think your tummy hurts because you have to toot? What's in your mouth? Show me. Come here, you have booger in your nose. Did you get that out of the trash? Stop climbing the piano! STOP YELLING! Eat three more bites. Go to time-out! STAY in time-out! Turn around, did I tell you time-out was over? Is this gum on the wall? Guys, share those. Stop fighting! How did this room get so messy! Time to clean up!
~~~
Facebook has created a social network for adults... especially stay at home parents, to keep in touch with friends, family and the "real" world... without a lot of extra work. Have you tried to have a phone conversation with kids at home? Yea... it's next to impossible. I always say "text me" or "I prefer to email".
Do people assume, SAHM don't want to socialize, just because they chose to have children? Hey! We want friends too!!
Perception is an amazing thing. It's thrown at us from commercials, news stories, friends, and now... Facebook. If you think objectifying young women is a problem in today's social media, (it is) then by all means, so is "perfecting" the SAHM (stay at home mom). Take the recent front page of TIME magazine. You remember, the controversial one of the breastfeeding mom? Do you remember the caption? It said, "Are you mom enough?"
WHO SAYS THAT? (Time magazine apparently, duh!)
By nature, girls are competitive and easily jealous. They love to gossip, and no one likes to be gossiped about. So to prevent that, they feel they have to stay on top of the heap. Be the best at what they do so no one can find fault to gossip about.
I think it's horrible. But I'm also guilty of it. There is a time and place to judge a mother's character. Bring in the foster care system and I think you know what I'm talking about. When a mother makes so many poor choices in a row... she (thankfully) loses her right to make choices at all! But that's not what I'm talking about right now... I'm talking about competing over FB for how great you are as a mother.
Confession: When I first started uploading pics to FB of the kids, my family, etc. I wanted to make sure everything in the background was PERFECT. No laundry, no trash, no toys, etc. I ruined capturing perfect moments because I was worried about what people would think based on what I had in the background. I would try to re-stage the shot or make my kids change clothes, or reposition so the worst part of the room wasn't showing. And I rarely post shots of unsmiling kids. Heaven forbid! Is that wrong, nah. It's normal to an extent. But come on...if my friends judge my worth as a mother, based on my mess, I'd fail all the time. I have tried to improve this a lot. Mainly by just keeping the house semi-clean 100% of the time. But in other ways, I've just had to let it go. I took a birthday video the other day and afterwards realized my kids were still in their pajamas! Heck, we didn't go anywhere public yesterday, and I wasn't about to waste a good outfit on a stay at home day... who wants more laundry? The kids were comfy and clean... so I let it go. But I did put a disclaimer on my video. It's a compromise. :)
Here's another example: Child #3 jumping off piano, crap all over in the background.. and I'm sitting there, um, taking the picture.
Disaster! --->
Ladies.. we are ALL great moms. Perfect? No... but who is? We all do things different, but we do it the best way we know how. There's no way to be a perfect mom.. but there's a million ways to be a good one. If you're trying... you're doing just fine.
Relax. Let the house get a little messy today. Let the dishes go, just for a moment. If you're not feeling on top of your game today, so what? There will be a day this week (I promise) that you will have a crazy, out of the blue, amount of energy that will allow you to get everything done in less than an hour. I think it's a gift from God. But by all means... TAKE A BREAK in the mean time! Put your feet up for a little bit. The world isn't going to fall apart for an afternoon. It might make things harder to catch up to... but like I said.. that burst of energy will come and you'll become superwoman once again.
If you doubt what I'm saying... think of this. When is the last time someone called and said they would be at your house in the next hour? How fast did you run around cleaning?
See? I'm right....
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